|Posted on April 16, 2019 at 10:40 PM|
It's always weird when someone looks at you at say's, "oh, I didn't know you dealt with depression." I guess it's weird because I was one of those people. Basically, looking at you wondering what is wrong up in that head. How foolish I was to even think it was a someone else's business type of thing. Depression for me was not a strange mishap, or suprise. It was the ultimate ticking time bomb. I was going to work, having relationships with family, friends, and significant other's like all was merry. But, it wasn't. I found myself in cruise control, just living following the same goals and rules as everyone else. That didn't work well for me. I got to a point when I was questioning everything, more importantly myself. Am I good enough? Who wants to be with me? I must really be a failure. It's strange that at our worst state we all seem to let the negative energy flow like the Nile river. I've greatly appreciated this running mission of hitting 100 races in a calendar year. I feel as if I have a sense of purpose, plus this mission is spawning new interest in how I operate as a valuable member to society. In other words, I needed to put myself in harms way to understand I do have a purpose. I'm not talking swimming with sharks harm way. I had to step outside of my comfort zone and embark on an accountability mission that will promote postive health and wellness for my mind and body. Every weekend I run actual races so I can't make excuses for anything. Depression, lack of eating, sleeping, any negative behavior will not be my downfall. I must wise up and treat my mind and body right. This is the only way I can achieve ultimate satisfaction of completing 100 races.